Deep Down
by Serenity Raye
Summary: Haruka trys to sort through her feelings for Michiru and Usagi...


I knew.  
  
I knew it all along  
  
From the first moment I laid eyes on her, I knew it.  
  
But did that stop me? Did that change my mind? Did it make me tell anyone?  
  
No.  
  
I loved her, I love her, I always will.  
  
I remember when I first saw her. Her, with her hair in those adorable buns,  
  
cornflower yellow hair, sparkling blue eyes. The school uniform that hung just right. I remember her smile, her scent.  
  
It was love at first sight.  
  
I remember face when I first teased her, I remember everything about her. I  
  
treasure every moment.  
  
But does she know that? What would she think if I told her this, if I told her I loved her, that I wanted to hold her, to kiss her?  
  
I've stolen a kiss once, I can still feel her in my arms now. I can see the  
  
pink tint in her cheeks.  
  
I want to kiss her again. I can see her reaction now, she would blush and stammer. Probably get flustered at the thought.  
  
She could never love me as deeply as I love her, she could never return my feelings.  
  
A hand rests on my shoulder. I turn around and see her, the other girl I love. The powerful, brave, graceful, beautiful, talented women.  
  
"Come in it's getting late." I nod, following her in.  
  
Michiru, I do love her, but it's not the same. Nothing can compare to what I feel for my princess.  
  
  
  
Deep Down  
  
  
  
I wake up the next morning slipping out of bed quietly. It's decided, today  
  
I'll test my feelings. I can't live like this, loving two women, wanting both, dreaming of both.  
  
I dress quickly and hurry outside. She won't be up for a few hours, but I need to think first.  
  
Who am I kidding, I couldn't face Michiru. I couldn't do it, couldn't leave  
  
her, not knowing if I will be coming back. A cool breeze sweeps through the streets, cherry blossoms scatter about. I feel the wind caressing my skin, soothing me.  
  
I turn sharply, looking down the hill. Should I? Then the wind picks up again pushing me, urging me, tempting me, ordering me.  
  
I obey taking off down the hill. At first it's a light jog, then the wind picks up, carrying me, pushing me along. I speed up, my legs pumping furiously. Objects blur as I fly past. I push harder, my lungs scream at me  
  
and my legs ache. I've never run this fast before. Still the feeling is liberating, it's almost as if I could fly. I notice the hill ending ahead and slow down, I keep walking till I reach the bottom.  
  
"Hey!!" looking back I see someone right behind me. A blur of blue and yellow comes barreling down the hill. As the figure slows I can make out two long streamers of hair.  
  
Usagi...  
  
She slows down, suddenly changing her manor. From a exuberant, silly school  
  
girl to a calm, shy women.  
  
"Hai Odango?' I ask playfully tugging one of her pigtails  
  
Usagi blushes, at least I think she does, it's hard to tell since her cheeks are still flushed from running. She looks up at me, her eyes searching mine. I stare back blankly. Should I let her know? Would it be easier if she never knew my feelings? Should I...  
  
All thoughts die as she leans forward. She gives me a chaste peck above my lips. I feel a certain numbness where she kissed me.  
  
I feel her pulling back and so I react. Cupping her chin I lean forward kissing her. This time I don't pull back, I wait for her reaction. Will she pull back, blush, slap me, run away? Worse, she just remains motionless.  
  
Nothing, no shock, no disgust, no anger, no love. Nothing.  
  
If I was a crier, I think I would cry now. But I'm not, I refuse to show emotion, it's weakness. I never let it interfere before, I won't let it get  
  
in the way now.  
  
"We need to talk." I snap back to reality seeing her gazing up at me. Nodding I take her hand, our fingers lacing together. It feels so right. Like we supposed to be together. I stop walking suddenly. Usagi looks up at me, her  
  
nose scrunched up in confusion.  
  
"Why did you kiss me?" I ask turning towards her.  
  
Cocking her head to the side she stares at me, if it were anyone else I would think they were mocking me. But Usagi is too innocent to do such a thing. Sighing she shrugs, "Because you were sad." Chewing on her bottom lip she looks at me, "Why did you kiss me?"  
  
I can feel my eyebrow quirk upwards. Why did I kiss her? Because I respect her, admire her, because I love her. I look down at her, the golden haired princess that I'm supposed to protect. Would a relationship ever work? Could it? And what of her Prince? They are meant to be together, could I possibly replace him? I picture the way she looks at him, the way she holds his hand, kisses him...  
  
No.  
  
I couldn't ever replace him.  
  
"Maybe some other time." I wink at her playfully tugging the pig tail one more time before jogging back the way I came.  
  
Rounding the corner I hear a squeal of delight behind me. "MAMO-CHAN!!" my heart freezes. Stopping I peek around the corner. The two are in an embrace, not kissing, not talking, just holding each other. Even though I feel jealous of him, I can't help but feeling content knowing the two of them are together.  
  
I turn away from the scene. I still haven't solved my problem. I still love  
  
both women. The bubbly princess and the elegant warrior. I feel complete with Michiru, but I feel the same with Usagi.  
  
The wind picks up again. It whistles in my ears, telling me it's secrets. I  
  
spot a pair of heels ahead of me. Letting my gaze move upwards I see Michiru looking at me. Just looking, not smiling, not frowning, not blinking. I stop and stare back. We stand there looking at each other while the wind blows around us. Her hair billows softly behind her. That beautiful, soft hair that I run my fingers through at night.  
  
It's Michiru.  
  
The revelation hits me hard as I stare at her. Michiru is the one I choose,  
  
the women who has always been with me. The one who knows my secrets, who is  
  
patient, who is kind and gentle.  
  
I do love Usagi, but our love would never work. And what I feel for her is deep, but not as deep as what I feel for the aqua haired beauty before me. Slowly Michiru smiles. As I gather her in my arms I can't help but wonder if she can read my thoughts.  
  
Holding her there in the middle of the street I feel something I never thought I would feel.  
  
Peace. 


End file.
